16th October 2014, 7.47pm

I don't know how I'm feeling about today.... I'm really sad but at the same time I'm worried about a couple of friends that need me to be okay so that I can make sure they are okay... Everything seems to be going in a downward spiral and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I don't want to eat.... I haven't eaten in about 9 hours now. By morning it'll be at least 22 hours. I highly doubt I'll eat much if at all tomorrow... My stomach gets upset any time I do eat... I've been getting these waves of dizziness lately too. They make me sway in my seat a bit and my vision to go blurry. I assume I should be worried, but I can't seem to make myself care. I'm kind of ready for all of this to be over... I don't feel like I matter to people anymore. I feel like they just act like I matter in order to keep me from offing myself for just a bit longer. I don't know how much longer I can hold on though....I don't think I even want to... I keep thinking that I could OD so easily and it's stopped scaring me... I don't think I'd be able to take enough pills, though. Maybe starving to death is an option... Your body can go three weeks without food before it begins to eat away at itself... I'm okay with that.... I just... I don't want to be here anymore... I want to just curl up in a ball and die... I do nothing of use anyways. I'm worthless and the world would be better off without me here... Maybe it is time to die...