11 August 2017, 3.59pm

I'm struggling today. I'm struggling a lot more than usual. I just feel so alone and like I can't talk to Nick about it. I'm just not sure how to cope sometimes.

18th April 2017, 8.18pm

There have been a lot of things I've tried to deny. The main one is the fact that I was raped. I was raped at age 13 by someone I thought was my friend. I was a freshman in high school. He was a year or two older than me. I thought he was sweet and kind, but he turned out to be nasty and awful.

David raped me, too. It took me a while to understand that it was rape. I was scared to say no. You should never ever be scared to say no. Just because you don't say no doesn't mean it isn't rape. Consent is mandatory. He never got my consent. He raped me every time we saw each other for most of our relationship. I was too scared to say no. I was terrified of being hit because of saying no, so I kept my mouth shut. I was raped. A lot. I am a rape survivor. I'm still absolutely terrified of running into David...

3rd April 2017, 2.02pm

As an introvert, I have a hard time being around people. I get drained from being around more than 5 or 6 people at a time. Because of this, I have a hard time in most of my classes since they're usually closer to 24 people. It gets worse when I'm depressed. So you can imagine how today is going....

2nd April 2017, 9.46pm

What are you supposed to do when it's show week but you can hardly get yourself out of bed without crying? You persist. You tell yourself that the show must go on. You tell yourself that you have to because you are needed. You tell yourself that you would be severely missed. You tell yourself that you can do this better than anyone else can. You force yourself to get up and talk to the cast and crew. You stay quiet about your inner turmoil so the cast can vent to you about their show problems. Shows only last so long. So are these days where you struggle to even open your eyes in the morning. You persist.

20th February 2017, 2.23pm

Nick's mum comes home today! We visited every day this weekend. We also each bought her some pretty flowers. The nice weather is gone, but that's okay.

16th February 2017, 10.08am

The surgery ended up taking 13 hours. Everything went well. Nick's dad was able to see her last night around 11pm. The hardest part is finally over. They tested her lymph nodes as well and they came back negative (thankfully). We will be headed home tomorrow after classes to visit her in the hospital. I mostly succeeded in keeping Nick occupied last night. There was one point where he got really anxious, but that's because we hadn't heard from his dad since that morning. It's done, though. That's the best part. The surgery is over and she's doing okay.

15th February 2017, 9.53am

I'm not allowed to cry today. I have to stay strong for Nick. His mother was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple months ago. After all the tears and needles and waiting, she is having a double mastectomy today. It started at 8am and will take all day. I have to be strong for Nick and his family. He needs me to be there to keep him from thinking too much. I've only known his family for about 4 months, but they have become like a second family to me. Today, I am terrified. Today, I have to pretend I'm fine. Today, I need to be strong. I can't cry in front of Nick today. He needs me to be strong and understanding and okay. I need to be able to distract him. I need to try and keep a smile on his face. If anything goes wrong during the surgery, we are going straight home. I hope it doesn't come down to that because I'm not sure what he would do. Hrs already been worrying about this surgery for weeks. I have to hold him up today.