27th August 2014, 10.09pm

Today was just bad... I got really depressed and I'm stressed and sore and just want to sleep for the rest of my natural life.... Didn't help that the sectional for clarinets went the way it did...

25th August 2014, 11.14pm

I'm miserable. It's hot, I'm sore, I haven't made any new friends, and I'm sick. I just want to lay in bed all day. I don't want to interact with people. I can't tell if this is due to my depression or not...

24th August 2014, 5.39pm

So I may or may not have gotten heat exhaustion today because of the heat mixed with practice. I really can't eat and when I try, I get sick. I can't tell if I'm running a temperature or not. Today was supposed to be the hottest day of band camp and I hope to god that's true. It was far too hot out for me today. I like cooler weather. I got burnt on my face, but my arms and legs just got tan. My arms are two different shades. Same goes for my legs. It kinda sucks, but whatever. I'm kind of excited for this upcoming practice since it will be sectionals rather than the entire group. I like the other clarinets well enough.

23rd August 2014, 7.08am

Yesterday was my first day of college. Today I have three band practices. I've gotten most of my stuff organized and out of the boxes. It's kind of weird not being home this morning, but I'll get used to it. My roommate comes in 5 days so hopefully all my stuff is off her side by then!! I wasn't sure about this yesterday, but I'm feeling a lot better about everything the longer I'm up and moving. My dad dropped me off yesterday and helped me unpack. Today, my mum is coming up to bring things that I'd forgotten while packing. I'm hoping to have all the boxes gone today. She said she was willing to take them. My second band practice of my college career starts at 9.00am, but there is a breakfast at 8.15am. I'm so happy to be away from home...

20th August 2014, 11.57pm

Apparently I haven't cut in a month and four days. Who knew? Definitely not me. I've actually been doing fairly well lately besides the rushing around, trying to get ready for college... I leave on Friday.... I'll admit, I'm terrified to be on my own, but I think I'll handle it well. I really can't wait to get out of this house, that's for sure. I haven't pulled my hair in a couple of days now. The hair is even beginning to grow back. Maybe I am getting better on my own.

My friend that committed himself into a psychiatric ward got out after a few days and has been doing better ever since. He and I are actually back together (we had dated for a short period in 2013). I think being with him has really helped with my recovery. He's been so supportive and caring... I adore him. I know I say that about every guy I've been with, but he's different. He's always been the one that got away and now I have him again and I just can't believe it. I never thought I'd get another chance with him. Maybe my life is beginning to fall into place finally. I don't know how much I'll be able to write while in college, but I will definitely try to at least do a weekly update (besides exam time).

6th August 2014, 10.31am

Today, we put our eldest dog, Daisy, to sleep. I'm still sobbing over it. We have had her since I was just 4 years old. She had been there for me through everything. I'm going to miss her so much. I can already tell our other dog, Taco, misses her just as much as we do...

1st August 2014, 7.51pm

I've taken to pulling out my hair. And not just a strand or two. I mean clumps of hair. My scalp has been bleeding because of it, but I can't seem to stop.

In other news, we are putting down my older dog Daisy this coming Wednesday at 10.00am. I don't want to, but I know she's in a lot of pain....