28th February , 10.30am

So I got a surprise yesterday. Jordan, the guy I went on a date with in January, came out to see me. We went for a 5 mile walk and then came back go my room and just talked. It was nice.

12.09pm

I haven't had any human interaction in 19 hours. I haven't eaten in 24 hours.

27th February 2016, 6.51am

Going on 14 hours without human interaction... thought that was gonna change... Jordan, the guy I went on a date with in like January, had texted me last night saying he was gonna visit... he messaged me this morning at 6am saying that he made other plans since I didn't answer fast enough thus morning.... always gonna be a second option, I guess...

26th February 2016, 7.29pm

We're playing a game to see how long I can go without talking this weekend. I don't have anyone to hang out with and my roommate is gone for the weekend. So far, I haven't spoken since 5pm today.

25th February 2016, 12.31am

 Yes, it's been over 5 months since Zach and I broke up. No, I'm not ready for another relationship yet. I'll admit, I'm a lot happier now that I'm single and have time to focus on myself more. And I understand why he decided to leave me a lot more. You and your health come first in anything and I'm glad he was able to see that. I don't have any bad feelings for him and I wish him the best. I truly enjoyed our time together, but I see the bitter end now. That's more what I miss, I think. I don't miss him, but I miss the memories that we shared. And yeah, sometimes that means I cry over really stupid things that just happen to remind me of the times we shared. Just because I miss the memories doesn't mean I want him back. At first I did, but as I've been discovering myself I've realized that he and I weren't meant to be. I'm happy being single right now. I'm enjoying my freedom, but yeah I have my moments where I think I miss him still. Those moments have become far and few between, but they do still happen.

23rd February 2016, 10.14pm

I'm absolutely exhausted... It's only Tuesday and I'm already out of energy... I got screamed at yelled at most of the weekend... Now I have another friend upset with me... I can't handle all of this... I'm just glad they don't need me for the musical rehearsal tomorrow...

11.14am

Having a mental breakdown before noon... yay...

10.38am

I'm done being nice. I'm done trying to make friends. I'm done keeping people in my life... I'm never good enough... I will never be good enough... glad I finally figured that one out...

21st February 2016, 1.36am

So much for having good friends.... I'm just going to start cutting everyone off.... I'm just a nuisance apparently.....

19th February 2016, 11.30pm

I have some really amazing friends and I'm so lucky that they've stuck by my side through so much.

The 15th marked 15 weeks without cutting. I'm learning to take it day by day for now while I'm still working on myself. I want to start looking at the big picture, but I need to work on myself first and that is gonna take time.

10.15pm

Would I be prettier without my scars? Would I be more desirable if I wore make up more often? Will anyone ever love me for who I am....? I doubt it...

15th February 2016, 12.48am

I'm going to bed with a smile on my face tonight and I think it's gonna stay there for a while this time.

1.47pm

Today was supposed to be Zach's and my 1 1/2 year anniversary... I started crying at lunch... we were debating about a gun and I kept getting interrupted.... it reminded me of when Zach and I would argue... I wish we still had the chance to... I'd take arguing with him over being single any day.... I miss him so much...

23.43pm

Only 18 more minutes until I am on Day 100 of no self harm. I'm really proud of myself. I've been severely tempted these past couple days but I've stayed strong. Let's see if I can make it to 200 days. :)

9th February 2016, 1.01am

I am but an angel that wishes to go home.....

8th February 2016, 11.37pm

When does it get easier...? When will it stop hurting? When will I be able to think back to those 12 months we had together and not want to cry? I just can't seem to fully get over him.... every time I think I'm doing better, I see something that reminds me of him and I just want to sob...

Only other news is that I am 14 weeks without cutting now.... I guess that's good...

4th February 2016, 10.54pm

So yesterday marked 3 months without cutting so woooo!! I think I might actually be able to do this. My urges are coming around a lot less frequently and they're manageable when they do come rearing their ugly head.i have plenty of people I can talk to about stuff now and I just feel... happier...

3rd February 2016, 12.31am

I almost cut yesterday... I don't know why yesterday was so bad but it was. I was sharpening my knife, getting ready to cut but then I got a message from Ben asking when I was going to be coming over... I literally dropped everything and went over by him immediately... it definitely helped me rethink it, but I still want to... my wrist is still itching for the blade... too bad I'm stronger than the urges. I refuse to give in. I'm going to be okay. I just need to give it time...

2nd February 2016, 1.12am

I'm not really doing okay right now. It started out as me just being mellow, but it slowly progressed into me wanting to end my life. I hate how I can't seem to have a good day sometimes, but then I think about it and realize I do have good days a lot. The depression hides the good memories from me in order to make me cynical and pessimistic. I just need to remember to keep my chin up and lean on someone when I need it.

In other news, as of yesterday I am 13 weeks without cutting. It'll be 100 days on the 10th of this month. I don't know how to feel about that yet. Like, it's good that I'm making progress but I'm terrified of relapsing and having no motivation to try again... I'm not sure how to feel about a lot of things lately...