28th January 2015, 7.15am

My body's mad at me... I've hardly been eating... I just can't get myself to eat... I'm never hungry or I'm not in the mood for the options I have available... Oh well. Good way to get skinny again.... Maybe I should just stop eating all together... I mostly just drink water now... I had milk last night while on break... I just.... I don't know... I don't want to eat...

27th January 2015, 10.07pm

I just want to die.

25th January 2015, 8.34pm

My depression's been getting worse. Actually, at this point I'm not sure if I'm depressed or bipolar. Both seem to be viable options at this point. I literally laid in the dark in bed for a good 2 hours today. It's getting hard to eat too.

6.03pm

My roommate is still asleep. I gave up and turned my music and lights on. She stirred a bit, but nothing else. I'm trying to give her a taste of her own god damn medicine.

23rd January 2015, 9.15am

My roommate has a 9am class. Guess who's still snoring in bed. I'm being a tad passive aggressive and playing music and typing loudly. She's rude when I'm trying to fall asleep so I'm going to be rude while she's sleeping. See how much she likes it. It's only the first week and she's already getting on my nerves. This is bad. This is VERY VERY BAD!

22nd January 2015, 3.31pm

Called into work today. Last call in I can use for the rest of the damn fucking year. Classes went well. I've decided that I need to prioritize better this semester, so I'm only allowed on here after I've finished tomorrow's homework. Luckily, I finished tomorrow's homework before class today! I met a really awesome guy in my English class. He actually likes good music like what I like and NOT COUNTRY! Like that is huge. I don't think you understand!!!

21st January 2015, 4.05pm

I've almost finished the homework for tomorrow. I have pep band tonight. I can't believe it's almost been 2 months since the last time I cut. I'm really proud of myself.

20th January 2015, 9.49pm

School has started up again. I have a new roommate. I'm trying to keep an open mind, but it's hard when she's been here for over 24 hours and STILL hasn't unpacked.... I can't stand the mess and some of her stuff has spilled over onto my side due to the fact that she won't move her bookshelf that was placed on my side for storage before break. I'm thinking of moving it so that I can place my stuff where it SHOULD be... The clutter makes it hard for me to study... At least she's gone a lot...

12th January 2015, 8.55pm

It's been over a month since I last wrote here... I haven't really been using my laptop since winter break started... I've just been really depressed. Nothing out of the ordinary for me... All I feel like doing is cutting open my arms and bleeding out.... I'm sorry, but it's true. My family makes me feel worthless and they blame me for shit not getting done around the house even though I'm hardly ever home due to work whereas my sister is home all day and just plays around on her damn computer.  It isn't fair. Why isn't she expected to do something for the household??? I can't wait to go back to school, honestly... I wish I could move out of this godforsaken house, but I just don't have the means to do so....

In other news, Zach and I have been back together for just over 5 months now. He's really the only thing holding me back from suicide at this point. I just don't want to push him over the edge... I don't want him to go back to the hospital. You see, he's the friend that admitted himself into a psychiatric facility back in July. We got back together shortly after he came home. I wish I could live with him.... He's starting college on Friday at WCTC (a technical school). He is going for network administrating. I don't understand computers all that much, but they make him happy so I'm happy for him. I'm so proud of him for going to school. He had planned on starting last fall, but because of the hospital stay and him moving out, there wasn't much time to sign up. He's my world...

I get to see my best friend on Wednesday. She's home for a few days and I haven't seen her since August. She moved in with her boyfriend down in Ohio. She wasn't supposed to be coming home until spring, but her parents gave her money for Christmas so that she could come home. I miss her so much... Her parents' house is just a block over from mine, so I used to go over there all the time and see her. Going from always seeing her to hardly even hearing from her was hard, but we make it work. I'm so excited to see her....