So the unexpected happened last night.... I guess I should have seen it coming, but after almost 14 months of being in a relationship with Zach, he left me... He explained to me why and all but I just... He could have talked to me sooner.... It didn't have to come to this... I wasn't able to eat last night... Still haven't eaten yet today... I probably will since my mom is coming out... Last night, I couldn't function. All I did was cry. This morning, I've been trying to keep myself busy with cleaning. It's helped a bit, but whenever I stop for a second my mind goes straight to him... I don't hate him for leaving... I don't think I ever will, but I do know he will always have my heart...
As I was crying last night, I kept reaching to play with the ring he had given me for Valentine's Day this past year... It just made me cry harder... Everything that reminds me of him is hidden away because every time I even looked at any of it I started bawling all over again... I only got about 2 1/2 hours of sleep last night. What I really don't understand is how he can act like nothing happened between us... How he can act like everything's fine whereas for me, the world's crashing down around me...
There were a few moments last night when I almost cut. I didn't... I still want to, but I know I shouldn't so I'm trying so hard to keep my mind off of it... I feel empty... I feel broken... I feel so... so worthless.... I was trying to change for him so hard... Why wasn't it enough? I really thought we were getting better, but I guess he was just hiding his disgust for me.... I just don't understand how someone can say they love you and then a few hours later they say they haven't loved you for a few days no...
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