I'm just sitting around before my Philosophy class this morning. My roommate's already left for the day. I just keep thinking over the weekend and what all happened. Nothing special happened on Friday. I went to class and then the marching band played at the high school's football game. No biggie. On Saturday Ben and I went out to Dubuque for some adventuring. During all of this, Zach and I began fighting. I won't go too into detail about the fight because, to be honest, I don't even understand what it was all about anymore. In Dubuque Ben and I went to Hobby Lobby and the mall that is out there. Afterwards we went to Berry Yo and then we went to Theatre Blitz II. Theatre Blitz is a 24 hour theatre production. The groups met on Friday around 6 or 7pm and then had to perform their plays at 7pm on Saturday. It was really fun watching what they had all come up with. Sunday is when things got bad.... Zach and I were still fighting. I was also suffering a massive bout of depression yesterday. I could hardly get out of bed as it was, but the fight made it so I only left my room twice yesterday. I didn't even eat until close to 8pm. Before Zach left for work, he had told me to come up with a list of reasons why he should stay with me rather than leaving me. By the time he was off of work, I had come up with over 140 reasons why he should stay. I cried so much yesterday... I barely got any homework done... I was so tired... I just wanted to cut... But I didn't because I knew that Zach wouldn't want me to, even though we were in the middle of a fight.
Everything is fine now, but yesterday was just torture. I'm not sure I would have been able to curb my urges if we hadn't worked everything out last night.... It terrifies me that these sorts of things affect me so much... I'm honestly scared shitless of what might happen if we broke up for good. I'm not sure how I would deal with it...
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