I am so sick of crying at this point... My mother decided to sign all of us up for a 5k color run this past weekend. It wouldn't have been a big deal if it hadn't have been for the fact that I already had plans and she knew about said plans. She thinks that my relationship with Zach is more important to me than anything. I mean, this is sort of true seeing as he actually cares about me and realizes that I have depression that, in fact, got worse after my visit to the hospital back in 2011. Zach tries so hard to make me feel loved and special and worth while... My mother tends to do the exact opposite...
Back to the crying.. I was supposed to leave the graduation party I was at on Saturday early so that we could go to the color run together. I ended up feeling so sick that I was unable to even sit up and decided to go downstairs to Zach's room and lay down for a bit. That was around 8pm. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until around 10pm. I still wasn't feeling well so Zach got me some medicine and around 10.30 to 11pm I remembered that I should text my mother to let her know I would just come home early Sunday morning. Everything seemed fine and dandy until Zach's alarms didn't go off this morning. I had 2 hours until the color run so I texted my mother and asked for the address of the place so that I could just meet her there. Instead of getting the damn address, she screamed at me. I started crying during that and ended up having to hand the phone to Zach because I couldn't talk. She then proceeded to scream at him just because he was trying to help me. They hung up and he had to try for about 2 hours to calm me down...
I was so scared to come home that I didn't even leave his place until about 4pm yesterday. When I got home, I went straight to my room to continue cleaning. About 6pm my mother calls me downstairs. I assumed it was so that she could scream at me, but she acted as if nothing had happened. This went on all night until about an hour ago when I apologized for not making it. She then proceeded to pretty much tell me that I'm just a horrible child that doesn't give a rat's ass about my family. I fucking tried to make it. I texted my mum the fucking moment we realized we had woken up late and asked for the bloody address. If she had just given it to me when I had asked for it, none of this would have happened. But of course, it just can't be her fucking fault. I'm the horrible child that does everything wrong and can never please the bitch. I honestly can't wait to go back to school. At least I don't have somebody breathing down my neck for my entire life there. I have actual freedom. I'm 19 years old... I should be hanging out with my friends more. I have work, family, friends, a relationship..... I have to split my time and I decide to do that by which ones help me grow as a human being. That list goes work, friends, relationship, and family. I don't care what anyone thinks about that. And to be completely honest, friends and relationship are pretty much tied. I need to go to bed...
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