I'm supposed to be working on homework but my mind is just so many different places right now.... I got a call from an unknown number during dinner today... I didn't answer but I'm now wondering if it was David. I'm actually kind of terrified of what I've gotten myself into...
Besides all that shit, I'm back to square one with cutting.... I had multiple mental breakdowns yesterday and I was alone in my room when the worst one hit... I don't remember what all happened but I remember looking at my knife and seeing blood all over the blade... I remember my arm being streaked with blood... I remember frantically cleaning it all up... I gave Ben my knives to hold onto until further notice... I'm not well right now and I'm terrified of what I'm capable of right now. I'm just glad I have a friend like him...
It's almost been a month since Zach left me... From what I've seen him posting and what I've heard, he's doing a lot better without me... I'm glad that that's the case... I don't think I could live with myself if I had been the reason for him to go back to the hospital... He was just taking care of himself and that's what is really important... I just wish I hadn't been such a god damn bitch...
I still can't get those two words out of my head... Dumb cunt.... They've been rattling around in my head for almost 3 weeks now and I have no one to blame but myself... I should probably post pictures of what I drew and wrote during classes yesterday during one of my mental breakdowns, but I just don't have the energy... I just want to rip the pages out and burn them... Maybe that would make me feel better... I don't know anymore... I still feel so god damn hollow...
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