I want to die.... Last night was awful. I tried talking to my roommate about her stuff being on my side and she blew up on me which made me get flustered and I forgot where I was going with it and she just ripped me apart... I feel worthless and useless and alone and like a bother to everyone I try to reach out to at this point. I wanted to overdose last night, but ended up passing out in bed instead... It was so hard getting up this morning. I barely go to class on time. I'm still mentally exhausted... My head hurts like a bitch....
The 15th can't get here soon enough. I only have one exam that day at 11am and then I will have completed my freshman year of college. I can't believe it's gone by so quickly... It seems like just yesterday I was waking up in my empty room on the floor to get ready for my first marching band practice of the season. I'll be glad to be home for the summer, though. I need to work on cleaning up my room...
Friday marks 2 months without cutting. I've barely made it this far... I don't know if it'll be any easier once I'm home again. I'll have to deal with being the forgotten child again... At least I found a new job back home. No more McDonald's for this girl. I miss Zach... He offered to come out the 14th but I don't think my roommate would be too happy (as if she is now...) and I have an exam on the 15th... Then he offered to meet me at home on the 15th, but I'm not going home until the 16th because of my sister's graduation.
It's weird to think that next week is my birthday. It doesn't feel like it. I wish he could come out for that... But I understand why he can't. Money's tight for both of us and it makes more sense to wait until I'm back home... My mum and sister will be coming out on the 9th for dinner then we're getting a hotel room and having brunch on the 10th for Mother's Day... It should be kind of nice I guess. I don't know really...
That reminds me... I need to get Zach's mum's address... I asked him for it earlier, but he didn't give it to me. I'll bug him for it again later today. I'm just barely functioning right now. I need to order cards... I want one for my mum, step mum, and Zach's mum... I'll just look at Hallmark....
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