I'm having a lot of trouble with just accepting myself lately... I've convinced a few of my friends that I'm sick which makes today a lot easier. I don't have to talk much if at all. I like that... It's just one of those days where the abyss of depression has swallowed me whole and I don't know why I bother anymore. I broke down crying last night and tried to text my best friend Shyelynn but instead texted David who I have as Shithead in my phone just so I know it's him. They look the same through blurry eyes... All he said was that it wasn't Shye. I just didn't even answer... I tried again but she was asleep... I ended up crying my eyes out will holding a blade until I finally passed out. I feel like I'm losing all control that I had finally gained over all of this bullshit. Guess not....
I mean, I am actually sick, but my friends believe that it's my throat when really it's my stomach. It's been in knots for a good 2 days... I hate it... I hate life at this point.... Too bad my sister's home now... Makes it a lot harder to plan a suicide.
On a happier note, I got my graduation tickets today. We only have 9 days of classes left and I am totally okay with that. I'm ready to be done with high school. I can't believe that this is my last full week of high school ever, though.
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