22nd November 2014, 12.52pm

There's a lot running through my mind lately. I don't think I want to try and get it all down just yet. I want to see how some things turn out.

It's been over a month since I heard from my one friend that tried to kill himself. I just don't know what to do or how to try and get a hold of him. I miss talking to him... It used to annoy me when we talked, but now I just miss it. I miss seeing his name pop up on my phone...

17th November 2014, 9.21pm

It's snowing again tonight. I hate winter. I hate snow.... I've been really depressed for about 3 weeks now... I want to just end it all... I want to just take a shit ton of pills and end my life once and for all... I'm useless and worthless and incomplete and a lost cause...

10th November 2014, 8.12am

So today is Zach and my three month. We celebrated over the weekend and it was the happiest I've been in a while. School seems to be draining me again and my job is just... Aggravating to say the least. Thanksgiving this year may be my first holiday away from home because of my job...

5th November 2014, 8.37am

Yesterday, I had another friend end up in the hospital... This time it was my fault... I'm the one he pushed him over the edge... We had been fighting and he said he was depressed but I just kept going at him with everything I had... I should have stopped... I should have held him... I feel so guilty... They let him go home after his 24 hour pysch hold finished, but he's back again today to make sure there isn't too much damage... I could have prevented all of this but I didn't....

31st October 2014, 5.32pm

Happy Halloween! I dressed up for class today and just got a lot of weird looks. Thanks for killing what little esteem I had... Now I'm just sitting in my room because there is absolutely nothing to do tonight... I won't get to see much of my family during this family weekend due to band. I'll literally get to see my dad and them for breakfast tomorrow and then a bit after the football game, but then they are leaving. Mum will be coming for the game tomorrow and the the band's Last Blast concert on Sunday but otherwise, I don't get a lot of time with anyone.... It really sucks. I wish I knew of a party happening tonight. I just want to get out one fucking Friday night. This is so stupid, but I'm almost in tears over this. I'm sick of being the weird girl. I really thought that would be left behind in high school. I guess not... Fuck... I started crying.... I'm going to go before I start bawling my eyes out....

30th October 2014, 9.49pm

So, my poor boo bear is sick today. He had to stay home from work because he was puking and all shakey... I wish I was there to take care of him like he took care of me... He's not perfect, but he's all I could ever ask for... He's my guardian angel and I absolutely love him. I really don't know what I'd do if he hadn't taken me back... I really don't think I could have faced the rejection... I think he is my one and only forever love and that makes me so happy....

27th October 2014, 10.37am

I had an absolutely amazing weekend! I just wish it didn't have to end. I got to spend two nights with my mama and spend three wonderful days with my boyfriend. I got to see two of my French friends and go to Six Flags for Fright Fest with them and an old friend. I got to finally cut my hair short and dye it red again. Yeah, coming back to college kind of depressed me but now I get to see everyone here again so it's not that bad anymore. I can't wait for this coming weekend. I just wish I could spend more time with my family for FAMILY weekend..