Monday, November 2, 2015

1st November 2015, 11.54pm

This weekend actually went really well. Yeah, there were a couple of bumps along the way but it all turned out all right. I finally felt okay enough to take one of my knives back from Ben. I wasn't ready to take back my big heavy one yet though.

I think I'm slowly starting to get over Zach in my own weird way. I think what I miss most is being in a relationship more than I miss being with him in particular. I feel like that somehow makes everything better.

I find it kind of funny that everyone thinks that Ben and I are a couple. What they don't realize is that he is one of maybe three friends I have out here. Plus we have a class together and we work together. It makes hanging out real easy.

Lately I have been feeling my depression slowly seeping up, but it actually hasn't been anything I can't handle. I'm thinking of going to a sexual assault therapy group thing tomorrow. Even if I don't talk a lot, it'd be nice to feel less alone. The only problem is that it starts at 4pm, but I have band until 5pm... I still might go for a bit. I feel like it would do me some good to say some of the stuff out loud rather than just typing about it.

I've been thinking a lot about a lot of things lately. It's kind of odd, but I'm really starting to become who I've always wanted to be. I smile a lot more when I look in the mirror and others have started to notice. I should really go to bed soon... I don't want to though. I'm tired but I'm not... I need sleep.

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