15th February 2017, 9.53am

I'm not allowed to cry today. I have to stay strong for Nick. His mother was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple months ago. After all the tears and needles and waiting, she is having a double mastectomy today. It started at 8am and will take all day. I have to be strong for Nick and his family. He needs me to be there to keep him from thinking too much. I've only known his family for about 4 months, but they have become like a second family to me. Today, I am terrified. Today, I have to pretend I'm fine. Today, I need to be strong. I can't cry in front of Nick today. He needs me to be strong and understanding and okay. I need to be able to distract him. I need to try and keep a smile on his face. If anything goes wrong during the surgery, we are going straight home. I hope it doesn't come down to that because I'm not sure what he would do. Hrs already been worrying about this surgery for weeks. I have to hold him up today.