15th April 2016, 10.50pm

I don't know. Today's just been blah. I'm doing a bit better. Glad to be away from school for the weekend. Sad to be away from some people though...

14th April 2016, 2.49pm

I'm doing a lot better today. It really helps that the weather has been extremely nice and I got to hang out with Ben for a while. We haven't been able to lately due to schedule conflicts so it just really made my day getting to hang out with him and play some pool. I got a lot of the stuff off my chest as well. I feel bad for going off on him the way I did, but he seemed to be understanding about it.

I register for next semester's classes at 3pm today. I'll be taking 16 credits. That's actually the least amount I will have taken besides when I dropped a class my first semester here and went down to 13 credits. I'm excited about my classes. I'm continuing with French classes and I will be working 2 shows. I'm also going to be taking Marching Band again and I'm actually applying to be the section leader for the clarinets. I'm excited but scared as hell. I'm going to be taking Theatre History 1, Scenic Painting, and World Civilization 2. Most of my classes are going to be on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I only have French and World Civ 2 discussions on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I'm going to see if I can move my World Civ class to Tuesdays and Thursdays. It's too much on MWF currently.

13th April 2016, 9.54am

I'm not doing any better. I have literally no friends. No one would care if I died. No one cares. No one would miss me.

8.20pm

I feel so alone. I feel like I have no friends. I haven't had any human contact since 3pm... I don't want to do anything... I want to cut... I want to die...

12th April 2016, 6.36pm

I'm going to try and write a post at least once a day from now on. They may not be long, but I need to stop holding things in until I break down in tears.

10th April 2016, 10.49pm

Why does the world seem so dark and awful when you sit in your room with just your thoughts...? All I can think about tonight is cutting or ending my life... I hate when I get into this sort of funk... no one seems to understand what I mean... maybe I just need some sleep....

9th April 2016, 11.15pm

I really hate how anxious I get... I accidently broke one of Ben's glasses and I was sure he'd be mad and yell at me for being a clutz... so while I waited for him to get out of the shower, I couldn't stop shaking while finishing the dishes.... once I told him, he wasn't mad though. It still weird me out some days. I was conditioned to know I'd get yelled at and hit if I messed up....