2.28pm

I have been on edge all day and I'm starting to have mini panic attacks and I just can't deal with this right now. I'm already failing two classes which is shit. I'm so done with high school. I should probably be working on my homework, but I just can't focus right now and I just want to cry at this point.

12.26pm

In my AP psychology class, we are currently talking about motivation.  It's kind of interesting because of my self harm and the anorexia.  Especially since today we are talking about hunger.  That just really gets my attention.

I've been thinking about fasting a bit again.  It's kind of hard to do that right now though. My mother keeps a close eye on what I eat because of my past. I think I might be able to. I really don't know though.

5th February 2014 10.36am

Only 9 more days until I go to Anime Milwaukee! I am super excited not just because of the convention but because I get to see my fiance while I'm there. I convinced him to come up since it's over Valentine's weekend. I can't wait to see him and hug him and kiss him!

So in other news, I've almost gone three weeks without cutting! WOOT! David (my fiance, I don't know if I've used his name yet?) also fixed everything with his roommate. You have no idea how much of a relief that is!

Other than all of that, there isn't much else to say.  I have only 64 days before I head off to France and 90 some odd days until I turn 18.  Not terribly exciting but something to look forward to at the very least.

1.59pm

So I'm stuck in homeroom today because all the returning students have to learn about the classes they can take next year. Why can't seniors just go home? It would save a lot of grief...

So I have some new developments happening in my life.  Unfortunately, they are NOT for the better....  My fiance rooms with an ex girlfriend, which I've never had a problem with.  This ex girlfriend of his is psychotic...  We gave her the nickname "Crazy" for said reason.  Crazy still thinks that they are a quote on quote "thing".  Today, she took his cellphone and read the texts between us and just lost it.  Last time I talked to my fiance, he was leaving the house just to get away from her.  He'll be calling me after I get out of school so that we can discuss what to do next.  I'm just scared that he's going to be kicked out because he really doesn't have a place to stay and I can't do much because of school.....

4th February 2014, 9.22am

My fiance texted me this morning saying "Do you know what is significant about the numbers 2 and 8?"  I knew in two days is our seven month but I didn't know what eight meant.  I told me that eight stood for how many pills he would have taken on that sunday if he hadn't met me on that saturday.... Now I'm just sad. I mean, I'm so happy that he didn't try to kill himself, but I can't help thinking that he was going to die... It depresses me...

2.20pm

I really hate this girl next to me right now.  It's mostly because she cheats on every boyfriend she's had. Now my one friend is back with her. Notice that I said BACK. As in they broke up. Wanna know why they broke up? She wanted a different guy. She had him for like a week then came crawling back. Like, seriously?! My friend doesn't get why I don't think he should have gotten back together with her. I don't know I just needed to rant. Sorry.

3rd February 2014, 10.17am

This weekend was just... yeah... Not gonna really talk about it.

I guess I should talk about yesterday at work though. I work in the back and make sandwiches. I was steaming a bun for our fish sandwich and when it came out, I burned my arm. I didn't tell anyone until it hurt too much to bear which took about an hour. I was glad it was an accident because then everyone accepts it as such. No one would ever think I did it on purpose.  That got me thinking about other "accidents" that could happen at work. I'm not saying I'm going to try them but I'm also not saying I won't try them.