It's been over a month since I last wrote here... I haven't really been using my laptop since winter break started... I've just been really depressed. Nothing out of the ordinary for me... All I feel like doing is cutting open my arms and bleeding out.... I'm sorry, but it's true. My family makes me feel worthless and they blame me for shit not getting done around the house even though I'm hardly ever home due to work whereas my sister is home all day and just plays around on her damn computer. It isn't fair. Why isn't she expected to do something for the household??? I can't wait to go back to school, honestly... I wish I could move out of this godforsaken house, but I just don't have the means to do so....
In other news, Zach and I have been back together for just over 5 months now. He's really the only thing holding me back from suicide at this point. I just don't want to push him over the edge... I don't want him to go back to the hospital. You see, he's the friend that admitted himself into a psychiatric facility back in July. We got back together shortly after he came home. I wish I could live with him.... He's starting college on Friday at WCTC (a technical school). He is going for network administrating. I don't understand computers all that much, but they make him happy so I'm happy for him. I'm so proud of him for going to school. He had planned on starting last fall, but because of the hospital stay and him moving out, there wasn't much time to sign up. He's my world...
I get to see my best friend on Wednesday. She's home for a few days and I haven't seen her since August. She moved in with her boyfriend down in Ohio. She wasn't supposed to be coming home until spring, but her parents gave her money for Christmas so that she could come home. I miss her so much... Her parents' house is just a block over from mine, so I used to go over there all the time and see her. Going from always seeing her to hardly even hearing from her was hard, but we make it work. I'm so excited to see her....
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