2nd April 2017, 9.46pm

What are you supposed to do when it's show week but you can hardly get yourself out of bed without crying? You persist. You tell yourself that the show must go on. You tell yourself that you have to because you are needed. You tell yourself that you would be severely missed. You tell yourself that you can do this better than anyone else can. You force yourself to get up and talk to the cast and crew. You stay quiet about your inner turmoil so the cast can vent to you about their show problems. Shows only last so long. So are these days where you struggle to even open your eyes in the morning. You persist.

20th February 2017, 2.23pm

Nick's mum comes home today! We visited every day this weekend. We also each bought her some pretty flowers. The nice weather is gone, but that's okay.

16th February 2017, 10.08am

The surgery ended up taking 13 hours. Everything went well. Nick's dad was able to see her last night around 11pm. The hardest part is finally over. They tested her lymph nodes as well and they came back negative (thankfully). We will be headed home tomorrow after classes to visit her in the hospital. I mostly succeeded in keeping Nick occupied last night. There was one point where he got really anxious, but that's because we hadn't heard from his dad since that morning. It's done, though. That's the best part. The surgery is over and she's doing okay.

15th February 2017, 9.53am

I'm not allowed to cry today. I have to stay strong for Nick. His mother was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple months ago. After all the tears and needles and waiting, she is having a double mastectomy today. It started at 8am and will take all day. I have to be strong for Nick and his family. He needs me to be there to keep him from thinking too much. I've only known his family for about 4 months, but they have become like a second family to me. Today, I am terrified. Today, I have to pretend I'm fine. Today, I need to be strong. I can't cry in front of Nick today. He needs me to be strong and understanding and okay. I need to be able to distract him. I need to try and keep a smile on his face. If anything goes wrong during the surgery, we are going straight home. I hope it doesn't come down to that because I'm not sure what he would do. Hrs already been worrying about this surgery for weeks. I have to hold him up today.

19 January 2017, 12.20am

Just a quick update.

Still haven't cut at all. Still dating Nick. Going back to school on January 20th. Nick is joining me this semester as a theatre major in Platteville. Trump is the POTUS starting tomorrow... dear lord save us...

Mostly things are going great. Excited to see what 2017 has in store for me.

3rd November 2016, 12.24am

It's officially been an entire year since the last time I cut myself. I'll be honest, I didn't actually think I'd make it a year but here we are.... here we are... I'm extremely proud of myself, don't get me wrong I just.... I can't believe all of the things happening. I'm stage managing my first show, I'm going to Las Vegas in May, January 2018 I'm going to London, May 2018 I'm graduating college.... I feel as though my life has taken a complete 180 and god does it feel good.

Besides all of that, Nick and I have been together almost 4 months now. I finally got to meet his sister and mum about 2 weeks ago now. I won't get to meet his dad until winter break probably. They love me, thougj. They absolutely love me and I love them. I've never actually had a boyfriend's family genuinely like me. Both his parents and my mother think that Nick and I are perfect for each other. My dad loves Nick, which is highly unusual.

8th October 2016, 8.51pm

Tomorrow marks 3 months with Nick. I've never been this happy before. Even my lows are higher than some of my highs ever were. I'm so lucky to have him in my life.
On that note, I'm not happy right now. I'm down right depressed. I know it will pass, it always does but I can't shake this feeling that I don't deserve anything I have.
The show opens on Wednesday. I can't believe it. Today is the first day of tech. It's almost done, though.